Sunday, July 22, 2007

Deadwood Drinking Game that ain't for Pussies!

…All right fellers, after an exhaustive search for a good game online; i realized I’d have to devise one that didn't suck. So here it is.

"The Deadwood Drinking Game that ain't for Pussies".

What you need:

deck of 52. (*or 54, see below)
bottle of your favorite hooch. Whiskey preferable. 20 proof and up please.
Shot glasses or wee 3 ounce paper cups.
DVD of 'Deadwood'. Any episode will do.
pad(s) of paper and pens.

First, line up your glasses and cue up the DVD. Dealer deals one card to everyone.

Show your card. Here’s how it works. There are four suits; each one signifies a curse word or set of curse words.

Hearts: 'cocksucker" and ‘shit’.
spades: 'fuck' and it's derivatives like 'fucker' and ‘motherfucker’, ‘fuckface’
diamonds: 'asshole' and any other masculine insult like 'prick', Jesus Christ, etc.
clubs: 'whore' or any other feminine insult like 'cunt' or 'bitch'. Also, ‘piss’.

Gets better. The card you are dealt also determines the AMOUNT you drink each time the word is spoken. As such:

aces: full shot glass. Pray you don't get ace of spades.
10,j,q,k: 3/4 of a shot
6,7,8,9: 1/2 a shot
2,3,4,5: 1/4 of a shot

*54-card extra regulation: Get a Joker; you drink at every curse word, a quarter shot. Might as well start writing a will.

Now, you still have a wee bit of a chance. You can get one re-deal if you do not have an ace. If you have an ace, well, 'deal with it'. You are stuck. Everyone else can get another card and test their luck. If it's lower, great, but remember... you keep the original 'curse word' you were dealt with in the first hand. The new card can only change the amount of booze you have to imbibe, my friend.

Now, use the pad of paper and write your word and volume of your shots as you watch the episode. trust me, after a half hour, you'll be forgetting how much you drank, how much you are supposed to, your name, where your pants are and why in tarnation you were doing this in the first place.

You can time it a few ways. Re-deal every 20 minutes or determine it based on the amount of times a certain word pops up. Trust me; the guy with a full-shot 'fucker' is going to want to switch up after 10-15 minutes or drinks. If you keep this poor bastard going for the whole hour, you are going to have to hide his body afterwards.

If you want to prove that you ain't no pussy, then deal once and deal with the consequences.

Use the pads to keep track of the words. Later, probably the next day, you tally it up based on number of words times the volume in the glass per round, and the winner, obviously is measured in ounces. He gets a bottle of anything he wants as a prize, or some such. Maybe you can pitch in and buy him a new liver.


Anonymous Meinert said...

Brilliant! A creative man's drinking game. Definitely not for pussies. No doubt some will be chumming the fish after this one, then it's all mops and pails.

12:52 a.m.  
Anonymous Lorne said...

Fine. But perhaps a re-deal can be triggered only by also allowing the holder of the next highest card to yours to throw a four inch throwing knife at your crotch. My point, being obviously that knives should be involved either at your home or in the parking lot outside later.

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Blogger Tom said...

I made the mistake of watching an episode of Deadwood and downing a full shot of Knob Creek every time someone on the show had whiskey. NEVER again. This game sounds a lot less painful.

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