Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Paris Hilton is Burning

PARIS ATTACKED BY MONKEY

Damn it. I had pictured a gigantic, frothing, heavy-testicled ape rampaging through the streets of paris, aiding and abetting in the current destruction of france in a final blood-orgy of violence. Planes buzzing, sirens blaring, the towering simian plows mercilessly through the city, crushing all those who dare stray in its sizable stead. On the ground, in the air, in the bath... No man or child is safe (odds are he'd just coo and caress the ladies, Kong-style)... Armageddon, monkey-style. It'd be glorious! What could they do against such raw, poop-flinging terror!?

What indeed, oh happy day!? Indeed, what? Poop-flinging, i say unto thee! The horror! The odor!

instead:
PARIS ATTACKED BY MONKEY
oh.

The title had it all, but the promise of titillation came up oh, so short, like a hasty handjob in the basement at 14.

in related news:
Paris Hilton Loses Shoe

Hold on, stop the press, SOME SKINNY SLUT LOST HER SHOE! SCREW THE WAR ON THE POOR, THE DEEPENING QUAGMIRE IN IRAQ AND THE WIDENING OZONE LAYER! BALLS TO THE DYING KITTENS! CAN'T YOU SEE WE HAVE A CRISIS HERE?!! CAN YOU NOT, YOU COLD-HEARTED COMMUNISTS?! ...TO THE BOMB SHELTERS, BEFORE THE DROPPING OF THE OTHER SHOE RIPS THE VERY FABRIC OF TIME AND SPACE!

I hope next time the damned monkey gives her rabies, herpies or perhaps the 'Rage' (g'bless them fit zombies). I'd give my left beanbag to see her running about caked in blood and feces, spitting up bile and partially digested brain matter... Though I doubt I'd get within 200 yards of her (as opposed to the 199-yard birth i currently and scrupulously maintain)

I'm gonna go half-drown in liquor and attempt to cut my own goddamned head off with a potato masher. Bugger. Happiness and gumdrops tomorrow, i promise. unless Paris hilton stubs her toe or loses a stamp or somthing.

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The skin is left cleaner, softer and smoother.6:The Olay pro-X system was designed to be used only for facial cleansing, while some of the Clarisonic systems can also be used on the neck as well as other areas of the body needing extra care and attention. [url=http://clarisonicmia2s.webs.com/]clarisonic[/url] How Does Clarisonic Mia work?Another bonus we love, is that it removes makeup deep within your pores. [url=http://clarisonicmia2s.webs.com/]clarisonic plus[/url] Clarisonic Mia reviews are top! When compared to other brands, customers prefer Clarisonic -- it's something about their brushes and their sonic technology that set them above the rest.If you check reviews to find out how people feel about the Clarisonic, you'll find that very few people have had any issues with it, even including those with very sensitive skin. [url=http://clarisonicmia2s.webs.com/]clarisonic brush[/url] Women who have tried Clarisonic exfoliating and cleansing systems report that they work up to six times better than doing the cleansing manually.But, both deliver quality results! So, it is simply a matter of preference. [url=http://clarisonicmia2s.webs.com/]cheap clarisonic[/url] Depending on the chosen model, they are equipped with one, two, three or four speeds, and all the various models are rechargeable.There are four different models to suit different needs. [url=http://clarisonicmia2s.webs.com/]clarisonic[/url] Look for free shipping.Tiny blackheads on the nose especially are cleared after its first use.

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Online beauty retailers have regular sales and offer discounts and coupon codes so it's always good to shop around before you buy.Your best option in this case is to check out the many retailers on Amazon where there is almost always a best buy or discount on offer. [url=http://clarisonicmia2s.webs.com/]clarisonic mia[/url] If you have an active lifestyle, here's your chance to take glowing, healthy skin with you wherever you go.Clean your skin gently every day and exfoliate gently once a week. [url=http://clarisonicmia2s.webs.com/]clarisonic mia 2 sale[/url] The Clarisonic Mia Sonic Cleansing System in white is designed to go anywhere, since it's a compact sized version of a sonic skin cleansing system.Our skin also felt tighter and fine lines and wrinkles seemed to fade. [url=http://clarisonicmia2s.webs.com/]clarisonic[/url] This is achieved by gently moving on the skin their specially patented cleansing brush-head (which comes in a number of types depending on the skin type), the result of which is a sonic micro-massage that works within skin's natural elasticity to eliminate the impurities that traditional methods cannot remove.Clarisonic is the leading manufacturer of sonic facial brushes and enjoys a great reputation for sonic technology. [url=http://clarisonicmia2s.webs.com/]clarisonic mia 2 sale[/url] Search for coupons, but watch out for expired coupon codes in old forum and blog posts.In practice, this mean that even though you can use the Olay Pro-X in the shower, you should be very careful using it in your tub (or not use it!)! [url=http://clarisonicmia2s.webs.com/]cheap clarisonic mia[/url] 4) Gentle hygiene for great skin with the Clarisonic Mia Cleansing SystemWomen who have tried Clarisonic exfoliating and cleansing systems report that they work up to six times better than doing the cleansing manually.

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Excessive scrubbing can stretch pores and cause thread veins.What foods make your skin break out? What foods make your skin radiant? [url=http://clarisonicpros.webs.com/]clarisonic mia brush[/url] The Clarisonic Mia is small, compact and waterproof.Then, turn it on and gently move the brush using small, circular motions. [url=http://clarisonicpros.webs.com/]clarisonic mia 2 coupon[/url] In spite of Olay Pro-X system's ability to deep-cleanse, exfoliate, and at the same time give a soothing facial massage, customers who have used both products have reported some difference in cleansing performance and in the results obtained for a cleaner, smoother and softer skin, with a definite advantage for the Clarisonic systems.While the sonic motion of the Clarisonic provides for a super deep and powerful cleanser, the rotating motion of the Olay provides satisfactory cleansing with a pleasant soothing feeling. [url=http://clarisonicpros.webs.com/]clarisonic mia sale[/url] Others can't eat dairy, and others still can't eat wheat.It's fast, easy and far safer than sun bathing. [url=http://clarisonicpros.webs.com/]clarisonic wholesale[/url] The majority of the people who've utilized Clarisonic products love them, and would never go back to using traditional methods of cleaning their skin.The Clarisonic Plus is like the Pro, but has only three speeds for the face (low, normal and high) plus Body Mode. [url=http://clarisonicpros.webs.com/]clarisonic mia 2 sale[/url] Are you looking for a skin cleansing system that will decrease acne, clean pores, brighten your complexion and is easy to use? Well, look no further.The Clarisonic Skin Cleansing Systems

2:50 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Clarisonic leaves your skin smoother and cleaner, and allows problem skin to heal.Most online retailers now offer free shipping for the Clarisonic Mia, but there are a few who still don't so make sure you check this carefully. [url=http://clarisonicpros.webs.com/]clarisonic mia brush[/url] When using it on your nose area, it may also feel a little ticklish or uncomfortable at first.7:The Clarisonic systems come in various colors while the Olay Pro-X comes in white only. [url=http://clarisonicpros.webs.com/]clarisonic mia 2 brush[/url] After all, one has to remember that you get what you pay for!In spite of Olay Pro-X system's ability to deep-cleanse, exfoliate, and at the same time give a soothing facial massage, customers who have used both products have reported some difference in cleansing performance and in the results obtained for a cleaner, smoother and softer skin, with a definite advantage for the Clarisonic systems. [url=http://clarisonicpros.webs.com/]clarisonic mia coupon[/url] It is the most versatile Clarisonic with four adjustable speed settings (low, normal, high and pro speeds) plus Body Mode.Clarisonic is the leading manufacturer of sonic facial brushes and enjoys a great reputation for sonic technology. [url=http://clarisonicpros.webs.com/]clarisonic skincare system[/url] - Of course, waiting for a promotion is frustrating when you are ready to buy and use your Clarisonic now.Though this sounds like an advertising tactic to compete with Clarisonic which makes a similar claim, many customers that have used this product have been quite satisfied with the results. [url=http://clarisonicpros.webs.com/]clarisonic mia 2[/url] If you are using Estee Lauder Double Wear foundation, that can stain your Clarisonic brush head and you will need to soak the brush head into oil-based makeup remover to get the brush looking white again.This is a real morale booster for these women.

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