Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Conversations with Friends (A Feature Most Banal)

An ongoing feature over here at Blogmonkey Entertainment Warehouse is the 'Conversations with Friends' feature. Not only is it a constant source of good-natured and wholesome humor, these conversations also serve as ad-hoc filler on days when Uncle Blogmonkey is too drunk / hung-over / depressed to actually get his ass out of bed or off the couch to post anything meaningful.

I'd love to think that the 'conversations' give you a peek into my world, but I would be kidding myself as I rarely discuss anything meaningful or thought-provoking.

The following conversation was derived and condensed from a conversation had today concerning a prompt to view the ongoing comic-strip 'Maakies' by a 'friend'. I try to warn him of environmental risks of children's toys and stroke his ego concerning his member. I imagine he stroked his member as his ego was being assuaged, but this cannot be yet established, as he has yet to mail me his underpants.

Conversation # 342

'Monkey' says:
...Readin' maakies, okay?

'Monkey' says:
I said I am reading the damned link you sent me.

'Monkey' says:
I find them mildly interesting but boorish. Are they meant to be?

'Monkey' says:
And, there are a few maritime references; is the artist from Gloucester or Halifax?

'Monkey' says:
Here, here is a TOY that might interest you, made of 'PVC'. They advertise the 'PVC' like it is rock crystal, but it is merely Polyvinyl Chloride, which may or may not have an effect on human health, so try not to ingest the figure. You know, PVC has been at the centre of a controversial debate during much of the last two decades.A number of diverging scientific, technical and economic opinions have been expressed on the question of PVC and its effects on human health and the environment. Some Member States have recommended or adopted measures related to specific aspects of the PVC life cycle. However, these measures vary widely. In order to assess the whole life cycle of PVC and its possible impact on human health and the environment as well as the proper functioning of the internal market, the Commission has carried out several studies and issued a Green Paper on Environment Issues of PVC.That commission being, EUROPA, the European Environmental Commission. I'm not sure whether a similar study is being conducted on our shores. Have fun!

De gootsteenkip says:
Thanks...um, I think he's American.

De gootsteenkip says:
What do you mean by "boorish" since it is a word no one in the 21st century should be using?

'Monkey' says:
Shut up. It is a fine word.

De gootsteenkip says:
No thank you. What’s with the whole PVC thing?

'Monkey' says:
Read it before you go off. I know all you read was 'PVC' because it was in caps.

De gootsteenkip says:
No, I mean why did you send it to me? ...Because one of the guy's characters is being sculpted in it? ...And I actually DID read it all.

De gootsteenkip says:
Btw.

'Monkey' says:
Yes. Thought you needed to kn- FUCK YOU.

De gootsteenkip says:
I wasn't about to go order one, but maybe now I will!

'Monkey' says:
Last time I try to warn you about the ill effects of polyvinyls. You can go eat a sandwich bag for all I care, then. Go on, eat one. Don't care.

'Monkey' says:
...

'Monkey' says:
(I love you...)

De gootsteenkip says:
Yummyyyumyum…Uh, did that just slip out or are you drunk?

'Monkey' says:
Can it be both?

De gootsteenkip says:
I guess it can be. I’m just giving you a way out by suggesting you tell me you had too much to drink.

'Monkey' says:
I will take it, then, and bow out in a heterosexual manner.

De gootsteenkip says:
...Meaning no bum bum bent in my direction?

'Monkey' says:
"How about them Maple Leafs, from your home town, Toronto?"

De gootsteenkip says:
"They are swell, thanks!"Ah yes, perfect, my dick is going all soft again. Phew!

'Monkey' says:
"Again"?

'Monkey' says:
"Dick'?

De gootsteenkip says:
Again, as in returning to the state it was previous to your verbal slippage. Dick as in wee wee.

'Monkey' says:
Oh, "tiny".
"Ire-inspiring"
"Flaccid"

'Monkey' says:
Stop me when I nail it.

De gootsteenkip says:
No, don't stop, I’m almost there!

'Monkey' says:
"Gherkin-like'?

De gootsteenkip says:
'Spoit!'
(waiting on undergarments to verify this occurance. -ed.)





12 Comments:

Blogger Kathleen Callon said...

You're a funny goober. I

f you like Monty Python, you'll love the movie "Visitors"... someone eats plartic wrap in it.

8:30 p.m.  
Blogger Sinkchicken said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:34 a.m.  
Blogger Sinkchicken said...

Holy crap! This 'De gootsteenkip' fellow sounds like a total idiot! I mean you reasonably try to help him avoid the dangers of toys he was obviously going to be purchasing in the near future (and most likely sleeping with by the sounds of it) and he has to go off and ask you to comment on his 'wee wee' (speaking of words no one should be using in the 21st century...). I hope he suffers like hell for this post. Somebody should out this guy and after outing him, shove him back into something cramped and torturously uncomfortable. And yeah, I want to see these underpants too! The proof is in the pudding as they say(and don't try to visualize that or you'll only want to hurt him more!).

10:35 a.m.  
Blogger Blog Monkey said...

oh, stink-sicken.

don't you realize who it is?

don't you suffer enough, with your looks and iron-age era grooming tactics?

3:43 p.m.  
Blogger Blog Monkey said...

i think i saw "the visitors"... was it with jean reno?

5:20 p.m.  
Anonymous Dayana Litz said...

hello!!!
It`s very interesting your blog...
I`m from Cuba and I have a similar blog than you...

5:23 p.m.  
Blogger Sinkchicken said...

Yes but it's in another language. You need to fix that.

10:05 a.m.  
Blogger Blog Monkey said...

now, sinky...

stop with the languagism.

read some of the old posts, dayana, tell me what you think.

10:54 a.m.  
Blogger Blog Monkey said...

now, sinky...

stop with the languagism.

read some of the old posts, dayana, tell me what you think.

10:55 a.m.  
Blogger Blog Monkey said...

wait, i don't have any Marilyn Monroe on my blog... how could i have omitted it?

10:56 a.m.  
Blogger Sinkchicken said...

Was joke, mf.

11:11 a.m.  
Blogger Kathleen Callon said...

Yes, it did star him. It's one of my all time favorites... even more than Monty Python.

3:59 p.m.  

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