Friday, March 24, 2006


Now my wallet, pants and watch have been stolen.

I went for a nice relaxing swim and came out to find my lock hacked, my trousers pinched and my billfold and timepiece purloined.

On a happier note, the malaise of winter is lifting, and, I have decided to buy a washer and dryer for my solitary use. No longer do I need to socialize with angry loners and college students, I can wash my linens in the comfort of my own lair. My gradual descent into full-blown hermitism is near complete. If i can find a method of growing bean sprouts in my bath-rug and mushrooms under my refrigerator my goal of pasty-skinned introversion will be attained.

This weekend I will change my muffler, which I regret as the warm, friendly glow of the police car will then be left behind, and going about my day unmolested will seem out of sorts. Next week I will then attempt to wash the winter off my car, albeit I fear whatever i may find. I imagine the soot and grime of yet another over-long winter may be the only thing holding the poor rusted dear together. I do intend to clear the trunk and make space back there as soon as I'm able. How else will I transport the beaten and battered bodies of those who raided my locker and spirited away my goods.

The washer and dryer will then come in quite handy as well, blood is not something that goes un-noticed in a launromat. At least not in my neck of the woods.


Blogger Kathleen Callon said...

Sorry about the theft. Must have been an interesting trip home. Isn't it like negative 200 degrees there this time of year? (JK)

Hope you have a great weekend (and congrats on the washer and drier).

3:11 p.m.  
Blogger Angela said...

Hi Monkey,

Bummer about your stuff being stolen- does this mean that dinner is on me next week?

Your own appliances? Sounds like you are nesting...


3:47 p.m.  
Blogger TheHamburger said...

It's never nice getting your shit stolen...I had my identity stolen about six months ago and have yet to recover the $600 from my bank because they suck balls and think I had something to do with it...yeah...I make trips to Bucuresti Romania pretty often to make purchases and somehow can make purchases in Chicago on the same day...odd...

9:11 p.m.  
Blogger jj said...

Kiss Tag Monkey

9:41 a.m.  
Blogger Blog Monkey said...

slowly getting it all back together, but it's a real arse-dragger, that.

5:47 p.m.  

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