Tuesday, April 04, 2006

News You Needn't to Know

Proving she's as dumb as a bag of hammers, or at least suffering from a slight stroke or trickling aneurism, Sex and the City's resident neurotic stick-insect was recently quoted as spewing:

"Sometimes I read an entire book in my head in an upper-class British accent," admitted the former 'Sex and the City' star.

You needed to know that. (Hell, I wasn't even sure she could read, but this informative tid-bit has quashed my preconception.) Personally, I feel the best way to enjoy literature is to read aloud at bus terminals wearing nothing but a hat made of tinfoil and orange peels, whilst perched upon an oversized replica of a pomeranian made of wadded paper and cat vomit. It's a lot more sane than mysterious inner voices reading aloud like a constipated John Cleese.

Oh, by the way, ONE more woman tells me to watch that damned show in order to 'understand women' and I'm going to go underwear-on-the-head, eyebrow-shaving, axe-swingingly mad-koo-koo-go-nuts. People, you gotta start turning off the idiot box and start talking to one another.

Look where it's gotten Sarah Jessica Parker, mumbling idiocies, believing her banal chocolate-coated epiphanies are worthy of print. Uhmm, not... unlike... this blog... (Insert sheepish grin here.)


Anonymous meinert said...

I've hardly watched "Sex and the City" - It was amusing, but SO much talk, and when they're not talking, there's narration, so every second is filled with chatter. Being married for 20 years, it makes the whole dating scene look sad and desperate. And they talk about nothing but sex. But as I said I hardly watched it. Six Feet Under said a lot more, and is more honest about relationships, even if those relationships are screwed up. But now I watch maybe 2 hours of TV a week.

11:38 a.m.  
Blogger Blog Monkey said...

i watch the tv often. however, at those times it is turned off... and i am rubbing almond butter into my clothing and singing 'hms pinnafore'.

seriously, i just cannot use tv as a relationship aide, no matter how sexy the ladies are. it just goes to show how defunct the art of conversation is. from what i can surmise these days, there are merely 32 words in current use in the english language.

...like, ya know?!? p-shuh. (snap-snap-head-wiggle)

4:08 p.m.  
Blogger Plunky said...

*in upper class british accent* Oh you simply must do more bloody posts like these! It was simply delightful! Ta ta! I must go have tea with the Queen Mother.

4:58 p.m.  
Blogger Blog Monkey said...

push her off her bloody perch, the old crumpet-sucking crone.

5:38 p.m.  
Blogger Kvatch said...

Proving she's as dumb as a bag of hammers...

Ah...one of my favortite lines--twas in 'Oh Brother Where Art Thou' I heard it first.

SJP was the saddest part of Sex and the City--Underfed, overdressed, and unloveable. Oddly, the show would have been much better without her.

9:33 p.m.  
Blogger Kathleen Callon said...

I recommend "Desperate Housewives" instead. Is it up there, yet? Intrique, sex, comedy... even my husband likes it.

9:39 p.m.  
Blogger jj said...

I have to vote for BIG LOVE.

I did like ome of Sex in the City, but SJP--just blows and oddly seems totally unaware of that fact. Truthfully I fucking love TV. Charmed was the best therapy I could have ever had after my divorce. Lots of young dick didn't hurt either

10:47 p.m.  
Blogger DA said...

I allways read my books backwards swimming buttnaked in the Amsterdam sewer while I whistle the German anthem. Not that anyone should care..

3:54 a.m.  
Blogger Blog Monkey said...

good. thought i was alone thinking she was a horse.

3:14 p.m.  
Blogger Blog Monkey said...

"Is it up there?"

i suppose so, we get shows at the exact same time as canadian tv is essentially american tv.

which is why i do not have cable.

4:19 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you all need to join my book club.

1:07 p.m.  
Anonymous anthony said...

I think blogmonkey and dimitri should start a book club.

1:10 p.m.  
Anonymous anthony said...

Fuck, that wasn't supposed to be posted twice. Now everything's ruined. God damn it.

1:11 p.m.  
Blogger jnetsworld said...

Someone actually told you to watch 'sex in the city' to understand women? They were being lazy or stupid. If you want to understand a woman, I think it's possible by simply asking them questions. If she doesn't have a clue how to answer for herself, she might as well fess up that she's clueless and you can choose to love her anyway.

Anyway, the thought of you running around with your skivvies on your head going axe-swingingly koo-koo makes me very afraid.

4:59 a.m.  
Blogger Blog Monkey said...

jnetsworld.. you are brilliant. as brilliant as i am frightening.

a book club would be a blast... if i could truly read (the book is upside down).

1:41 p.m.  
Blogger Marcus C. Beaubier said...

SJP's make up always made her look like she had just gotten into a fight with Tinker Bell, or perhaps had just given head to a clown.

6:16 a.m.  

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