Cristmas Eve of Destruction

Why, what an interesting Xmas eve. Not only did I risk life and limb driving through a freak snowstorm on my was to visit my sister in the 'World's Dullest City', Toronto, but today I nearly hewed a digit off whilst performing an improvised demolition project at my sister's house.

The washing machine and dryer did not fit, so we cut away half the wall and part of my index finger. Thank crap I'm an awful typist or I'd be worried, but seeing as I type about four words a minute to begin with, I can rest easy knowing my future in the office service and reception field was not in the cards to begin with.

At this time of the year, when I'm not bleeding and screaming at inanimate objects, I'm reflecting on the past year, which, if you do not know me, was not quite 'shit' but somewhere well south of that. If next year ain't better I'm going to move to Nepal, build a hut out of old tires and eat rocks.

So, Santa, you fat bastard, gimme what i want for Christmas or I'm waiting up to kick you in the hairy beanbag from behind as you squat to enter the fireplace.

Be warned.