Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Comeuppance, From a Brothers Grimm Point of View

Suburban Vancouver woman finds bear eating oatmeal in kitchen

In a startling twist of fate, and after about a hundred years of waiting for the proper moment, a bear has seen to it that Goldilocks' theft of oatmeal in the famous nursery rhyme has been avenged.

Now, I'm not the eye-for-an-eye type, but I suppose it is only fitting that the theft, so many years back, when petticoats and chastity were de rigeur, has finally been adressed. A woman in West Vancouver, Canada, who we will name 'Goldie' for the expressed purpose of this article (though it is not clear whether or not she is a descendant) came home last Thursday to find an Ursine friend chowing down on oatmeal in the kitchen.

"It sounds like a nursery rhyme, doesn't it?" West Vancouver police Sgt. Paul Skelton said. "At least we have a health-conscious bear on our hands."

"The bear didn't appear to be aggressive and wasn't destroying the house, so they just let it do what it was doing and eventually the bear decided to make its way out of the residence and down toward a forested gully," Sgt. Skelton added. "It ended the best it could."

At press time, it is not known whether or not the Bear tried out all of the chairs in the home, or took a nap in one of the three beds in the residence, one of which has been descibed by 'Goldie' as "just right".

4 Comments:

Blogger DaProkah said...

Next she'll find the bBear eating her in her sleep...They've been known to be kinda rough too...

3:33 PM  
Blogger Sinkchicken said...

I thought the expression was "a fed bear is a dead bear". At least it was on all the pamphlets I got handed when camping in British Columbia parks! Hm, guess urban bears get special treatment. Maybe they got the vote a while back so it would be political suicide if one were to start shooting their kind for something as petty as break and enter (and feeding)....

I saw this quoted:
"And in a startling twist, the bear relieved itself massively on the childs bed. Said the child "I guess my bed was 'just right'!"

1:34 PM  
Blogger Mikey said...

As a child living in Glacier National Park in Montana (dad was a wildlife biologist), this was almost common. I recall that we always had to be careful about cooking bacon and opening jars of peanut butter.

8:12 PM  
Blogger Blog Monkey said...

sink, i resisted the temptation to bring bowel movements into the piece, but it did cross my mind...

but, decorum dictated that i leave all fecal matters out of the picture.

9:19 AM  

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