Thursday, June 29, 2006

Rock the Reichstag

Cats that look like Hitler... And why the hell not?! If anything, a lame and hackneyed attempt at paying a tribute to our punctual hosts of the world cup! There hasn't been so much giddy excitement in the streets of germany since "Kristallnacht"!

In related news, a movement has been put forward to consolidate the blogs of "A consequence of monkeys', 'Sink Chicken' and yours truly into one big three columned, tag-team-esque, information overloaded, Newspaper-style blog. Why, you ask? Because we care about your need to know. Because we strive for integrity and justice. Because we're too lazy to update our own blogs on a scheduled basis that is any less than glacial and haphazard.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Comeuppance, From a Brothers Grimm Point of View

Suburban Vancouver woman finds bear eating oatmeal in kitchen

In a startling twist of fate, and after about a hundred years of waiting for the proper moment, a bear has seen to it that Goldilocks' theft of oatmeal in the famous nursery rhyme has been avenged.

Now, I'm not the eye-for-an-eye type, but I suppose it is only fitting that the theft, so many years back, when petticoats and chastity were de rigeur, has finally been adressed. A woman in West Vancouver, Canada, who we will name 'Goldie' for the expressed purpose of this article (though it is not clear whether or not she is a descendant) came home last Thursday to find an Ursine friend chowing down on oatmeal in the kitchen.

"It sounds like a nursery rhyme, doesn't it?" West Vancouver police Sgt. Paul Skelton said. "At least we have a health-conscious bear on our hands."

"The bear didn't appear to be aggressive and wasn't destroying the house, so they just let it do what it was doing and eventually the bear decided to make its way out of the residence and down toward a forested gully," Sgt. Skelton added. "It ended the best it could."

At press time, it is not known whether or not the Bear tried out all of the chairs in the home, or took a nap in one of the three beds in the residence, one of which has been descibed by 'Goldie' as "just right".

Friday, June 02, 2006

The Mutant Revolution Begins Thanks to Lax Environmental Regulations.

Who'd a thunk it that X-men would become reality in our lifetimes? In related news, George Bush swears alliegance to Emperor Palpatine and vows to destroy the Rebel Alliance.

Humor aside, the bizarre mutation may have plenty to do with this study. A new report by Environmental Defence, entitled Polluted Children, Toxic Nation: A Report on Pollution in Canadian Families, has determined that the blood and urine of Canadian children contained an unhealthy cocktail of toxic chemicals such as flame retardants, mercury and lead amongst others.

Amy Robertson, a volunteer in the study, opined, "I feel victimized by the air that I am breathing and the things I have no control over."

The laboratory tests found a staggering total of 46 of 68 suspect chemicals in the volunteers, including toxins that can cause cancer, reproductive disorders, disrupt the hormone system and cause developmental delays.
On average, adults had 32 toxins, and 23 were found in children.

"It's not fair that children should be so polluted with these chemicals," said Aladin Bonin, one of the testees. "I hope that adults do something now to fix the problem."

Don't hold your breath.


Since, in my previous post, I pointed out what I considered a backhanded comment, I feel it is only fair that equal time should be given to the ultimate understanding we have reached. I appreciate the candor of Scout, and I hope to dialogue more with said individual in the future, as it is heartening when one can admit error (unlike a certain President, alas.) I too, commited an error of better judgement and slung barbs. As warranted as I perhaps felt they were, no excuse can be made for their existance that is not of the juvenile variety. I hope we can continue speaking in a civilized manner, with only the content of our characters, not broad generalizations, as fodder.

Scout's comment:
At first view I thought you'd taken a hairy turn at my very first (tongue-in-cheek) line and gone off on a wild tirade of absurd apology. But having now re-read my post I have to agree that what was intended as somewhat tongue-in-cheek has come off as simply insulting. So I sincerely apologise Monkey.

My response:
As do I. After reading my post this morning I realized that I may have ranted a bit myself. Your commentary is obviously welcome. My hopes are soon, there will be a revolution in technology that can effectively express sarcasm, irony and a plethora of other conversational variances. As is, faceless interaction such as this does not do a good job of projecting nuance.

When I first published the original post I realized how slippery the slope was as the language was not easy in coming, and no matter what I wrote, and no matter how eloquently I tried to put it, it came across as arcane and Neanderthal, which made the emotions become even more unreasonable and compounded. Should I feel guilt for having said thoughts (not raping and killing, mind you, just 'lust' in it's basest and most primitive form.) How do we understand it without coddling it?

As men, we need to find a way of expressing our tendencies in a constructive and unapologetic manner. I’m not sure this is the forum for it, but it is a start. The reason I use the term 'unapologetic' is, just as a lion acknowledges its desire to eat mammals, we harbor these drives within, and I fear the suppression of discussion (not implementation, by all means) exacerbates the situation creating that unfortunate 51% statistic. ...Which might explain all those icky wars.

In Response to my Previous Post

Felt it was important to paste some obvious hate mail and my retort. And I'm leaving it at that. Don't retort if you have no intention of furthering the discussion. I'm not interested in being flamed for throwing some thought around. Everyone who knows me knows I am a progressive thinker who will always deal with heady subjects, even if, like this case, that subject is the darker side of my Id. If responses like this were the norm, I am sure Jung, Freud et al would have been stoned to death at a very young age. (not that I claim to be peers with either, sincerely)

The response generalizes AND insults, not exactly kosher in any debate, but what the hell do you want with knee-jerk armchair prosthelizing?

The retort from 'Scout':
Here BM, pack your horse and take your pick -

...and I'll be happy to throw you a pack lunch on your "Woe is me, for I am no longer 'MAN'" journey.
Just be sure not to scream at, beat, rape, or kill, that woman you're passing when the 'extreme frustration and utter despair' at your inability to be able to fuck everything that moves, comes along.
Think - if you can manage that, you'll be doing something that that a full 51% of the Canadian male population are totally incapable of doing."

And my response (I apologise if i seem angry, but I do not like being attacked):
"Poor scout, typically, manages to bypass the point and jumps to heady conclusions about the orientations of others.

ah, to live in such a state of anger instead of seeing the point. instead of seeing the occasion to begin dialogue, here we have a commentary that veers towards hate and name calling straight ahead. the assumption that i am a polygamist based on my understanding of my biological drives does not make me a beast for aknowledging it exists.

i, unlike you do not see any issue with understanding the feral, basic state, but then again, i believe we are animals, primates whereas you probably believe god created wee-wees to give us shame. go back to thine hutterite community and contine wearing the horse blinders and leave the hard thinking to the rest of us.

oh, nice way to generalize men as well, which makes my point in the first place.

nowhere in the body of my argument did i mention any desire to beat, rape, murder any member of the opposite sex. my frustrations, as i stated, lie in trying to re-wire the desires we all have deep within. i advocate a deeper understanding of the male sexual drive as a way of understanding the gap between men and women, to avoid the 'coming to blows'. however, you want an argument.

because, obviously, you are an intellectual lightweight, always looking for the easy blame. go check , if you know how to cut and paste a link, and bitch about your shitty boyfriend there instead of taking it out on everyone in blogland, k?"